Image provided by: Upper Left Edge; Cannon Beach, OR
About The upper left edge. (Cannon Beach, Or.) 1992-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1996)
Dear Uncle Mike, As one man to another, do you ever think a significant par, o f premenstrual syndrome is self- indulgence? Are women as out of control as they'd like us to believe, or they just taking their suffering ou, on us? Should they be indulged9 A, wha, cos,9 Victimized in Portland Dear Victimized, Because Uncle Mike doesn't believe in death and so doesn't fear it, he'll resist the urge to pretend your letter never reached him. As one man to another. Uncle Mike would suggest you stop asking questions like this. Premenstrual women can detect innuendo at great distance. Does Uncle Mike think PMS is partly self-indulgent? No. Uncle Mike thinks it's altogether self-indulgent. It's from this its great horror springs. The lunar chemical imbalance women go through, many would say entirely too often, evidently makes the world, and every unsatisfactory and irritating bit of it, a personal matter. The way you daub your mouth with a napkin can be, for she who yells, a snide reference to imaginary weigh, gain. The formulas of body chemistry are no laughing matter, and this one seems to prevent so much as a thought of self-restraint. The blurting out of lunatic venom and accusation can be, from safe distance, a sight to behold. You ask if our ladies of the moon are as out of control as they’d like us to believe. Man to man. Uncle Mike dares you to find out. He only hopes they're as ou, o f control as they'll get. As it is, he’s seen them do things that curled his hair and made him sleep lightly. Are they taking their suffering ou, on us? Is this a serious question? Uncle Mike has seen the chemically unbalanced take it out on furniture, small animals, and trees Any portion o f the world will do, but the universal law governing the chaos of their emotions seems to dictate that, the closer they feel to you, the more efficient the abuse gets. Should we indulge them? If you've go, a better idea, Uncle Mike is all ears. Until then, he'll go on indulging them whenever it’s no, possible to avoid their company. He avoids them with great zeal and sees this as giving them their space. Uncle Mike read a story once aboui a primitive tribe whose women would, in response to mysterious inner signals, walk a short distance from the village and build a small getaway hut. Uncle Mike sees this as genius, and wonders that any culture but theirs has survived. r Sometimes A Great Lotion E l it a B rand C otton B ras .r and P ant « Cannon Beach Athletic Club LlNGtRIE AND SLttl'VtAR V lT H AN tMPHA5l5 ON COTTON A N ) 5 0 27 SCI NTS Of PIR1UM OIL AND CUSTOM SCtNTlD MASSAGE OR., BODY LOTION, AND BATH & SHOVER O IL 171 Sunset Blvd. iNCtNSt A f® CANIM.tS Dear Uncle Mike, 4 36- 01& 9J 39 N. HtNLOCR C annon B ia c h OR Let CBAC be your Athletic Club away from home. Come visit our exiting new facility. Why are potatoes called 'spuds'? CBAC Offers: Robert D., Molalla Dear Robert, Christina Stanley RN, IBCLC L a cta tio n C o n su ltan t Before he begins, Uncle Mike would like to thank you for your question. Other people ask Uncle Mike advice on personal matters the details of which he'd rather no, know You ask about potatoes. Uncle Mike likes you. Potatoes are called spuds not because they were invented by someone with a silly sounding name, but because of a confusion. A spud is a tool, a tree branch cleverly carved by hungry rustics. It has a long handle and a foot piece which, when pressed down by the foot, makes a six inch deep hole in the dirt. The potato is, of course, what you put in the hole. It's a funny world. l<l * Free Weights * Shower Facilities * Aerobic Classes • Tanning * Bikes * Rowing Machine * Treadmills * Climbers Breast Feeding Assistance Drop in rates available Medela Breast Pump Rental Station 503-436-1515 P.O. Box 201 179 C oolidge C a n n o n Beach, O R 97110 (503)436-0161 ’OXastle C arp et ^ k a n in g Dear Uncle Mike, DO NALD THOM Where do you stand on the issue of killing the rude? Where ignorance is bliss, it’s foolish to borrow your neighbor’s newspaper. Frank McKinley “Kin” Hubbard, 1868-1930 Your bartender, Cannon Beach Dear holiness. Uncle Mike likes your question nearly as much as the one about spuds. Uncle Mike is, dam, pretty much opposed to killing anybody. Not because he's nice, bu, because it doesn't really change things. Like large caricatures of children, the rude must be taught to behave. As a member of the service, or serv ant, sector of the American dream, you're given many opportunities to deliver the teaching. Within the guidelines set by the person able to fire you, never le, the rude confuse you with personal staff. Explain, with as much charm as you can muster that you’re here to provide a service, not to be the service provided. As a human, you’re not part of the bill and any dealings you have with each other must be based on at least the appearance of mutual respect. Without civilized behavior on their part, all bets are off. Assure them they don't want to see that Uncle Mike heard a nice story about a waitress who'd reached critical mass. Leaning over the offending couple's table, she said in menacing, maternal tones, "Listen, if we play together any longer, we're going to quarrel. 1 work here, so it's you who gets to leave." A statue should be built to this woman. c ^ m o r s dcncm m njPPER-LEFT-EDGf yoLUMt f 436*1114 "“ UPPER-LEFTEDGE^ VO LUM E blCEMLEA IÎÎ5 NUMBER 7WUAIT fO (??6 tí— u ‘He i Who is Not Busy Being Born, is Busy Dying. 3» ‘I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. Blanche DuBoiv Bob Dylan IM P« |O i h Ifc M ? ^ s s ^ e e L IC E N S E D M A S S A G E T H E R A P Y R O S A L IN D P.O. BOX 773 CANNON BEACH O« 97110 Gep petto’s Acupuncture — Chinese Herbs — Massage C U S A C K . LM T O R E G O N & W A S H IN G T O N aiSSCfik P O B O X 1224 C A N N O N B EA C H . O R 97 1 1 0 Shoppe Bob Rice L.Ac. (5 0 3 ) 4 3 5 -2 4 2 5 200 N. Hemlock Cannon Beach, OR P.O. Box 193 Cannon Beach, OR 97110 'J 436-1911 hr1 W her^ualit^an^raditionynak^dd^happy^ We learn from history that we do not learn from history. Georg Wilhelm Friedrich, 1770-1831 Spring is here! A den iWhitaf{er-(Lnirich, ‘M i/ CT MA P sychology, April brings... -showers for cozy days inside, P h D H is to ry C O M P U T E R C O N S U L T IN G C o u n selin g: Alcohol. D rug, & R elationship Problem s F ir s t V is it F ree T h u rs d a y s In C a n n o n B e a c h (503) 224-3972 436-2467 o PC« -warm sunny days for outdoor activities and beach fun, CHETH ROW E C O N S U LTIN G P.O. BOX 192 CANNON BEACH, OR 97110 503*436*0211 CIS: 70754,2423 Niitwortc® -Easter and baskets filled with fun surprises... Stop by and browse through our selection of toys, gifts, activities, books and games all perfect for the special spring occasions abcadl A <••1 p • R IC o A UfftR ItfT EbSt m i l W Í ?